Must be whiter, more blonde
A frank discussion of certain beauty practices which white women use to silently reinforce elitism and racism
Note: Most of the white women in my family are 100% karen-style bitches. I am not in contact with most of them anymore, and am much better off.
Stupidity At-Worst
I was raised by “orthodox religious” parents who are actually stupid and poor, and white nationalists; in that order.
But by all measures possible, my family is very white. And we enjoyed all of those extremely obvious privileges.
About being very white: I remain very white. My mom is very white. My dad was pretty white, albeit his hair was brown. My grandmothers both were insanely white.
Both sides of my family are of european colonizer decent, and both sides of my family practice white nationalist ideologies.
My own “mother”, who only performed gentle motherhood when others were watching, made it clear that looking a certain way was VITAL to the family’s image.
“Fake it till you make it,” “Life isn’t fair,” and “Different strokes, for different folks,” are literally the only three responses my “mother” would say to me. I hate her.
And growing up, I was never ever the prettiest, or the whitest, or the most intelligent, or the most talented. Perhaps, I was the most talented in my family. But when you are from a dumbass family, you are often made fun of for it.
“You are using big words against me,” my mother would often say to me.
Mousy Blond is No Bueno
I was told by my “mother” that my own hair color was called “mousy blond”.
My hair was NOT white-blonde, like the milkmaid norwegian blonde look which was coveted by all the mostly-covert racist white women “raising” me.
The “bottle blonde” was one of the tools a white woman in my family was allowed to spend money on.
This “mousy blond” apparently is a family trait that the women of my family “suffer” from. And for SURE, mousy blond was the wrong color of hair to have.
To this day, I do not know what color my mother and grandmothers’ hair were; mousy blonde, or not. I never once have seen their natural hair color.
But growing up, I was encouraged to color my hair, to make it more blonde, and therefore, to be more beautiful.
Must Dye the Mousy Blonde
The first time I asked to color my hair, I was 14. I just wanted to try a little bit of purple, underneath, in a swatch of hair that no one would see. I was not allowed.
Instead, I was given the option for “highlights” -sometimes called “frosting”- which would make strands of my hair closer to white-blonde.
At that moment in time, most every female around -and even some of the boys- were coloring their hair blonde. So I did, too.
The next time I got the option to choose a color for my hair, was at age 16. By that time, I had a sense for what my “mother” would allow without rolling her eyes. And so, I went for a redhead color that she approved.
Red hair dye in my mousy blond hair, did not fade. I had to grow it out completely. Or, as I tried in my mid-20’s, you have to dye it even darker, and then grow it out.
Make no mistake, white women like me, absolutely DO use blonde hair dye as a weapon. We suffer through scalps which burn and peel, all to make ourelves appear EVEN WHITER.
When white women do not feel pretty, or white enough, then they are very unhappy. The perception HAS ALWAYS BEEN that “blondes have it better”.
The longest time I have “gone” without dyeing my hair, was 10-years. I let the mousy blond grow long. I loved it.
Last year, my desires to be accepted by those around me, had subsided, or so I thought.
But, while “feeling” bored and trapped indoors during a sweltering summer heat that would not stop, I decided to make my hair the most blonde it has ever been. White blonde.
To make this happen, I had to seek out and buy some special goop. My own mousy blond hair cannot “get” that blonde, if I only use normal hair goop.
I got a lot of attention from men with that color hair, I noticed. Oddly enough, I was often offended at the overt attention from men which I would receive.
This past year especially, I have been seeking out new information; watching and reading more than ever, about perceptions of white women, from non-white women.
“Now” marks the first times in which I fully-realize HOW INSANE this practice of dying my hair blonde is. I am disgusted with the ultra-blonde versions of myself.
Is my being very white, NOT white enough or what?
Do I NOT already have enough privilege?
Am I TRYING to make non-white women feel bad?
I feel intense disappointment in myself for trying to be more blonde.
The truth is, I am mousy. I am very much like a little mouse. Scurrying around. Afraid. Trying to find food. Trying to avoid predators.
There is no way to say it: White women who dye their hair to be more blonde, to fit in with the whiter girls, are being racist. To be more white, even if you “don’t realize” it, is still being racist.
How ignorant of me. How ignorant of us white women.
It is the truth. Prove me wrong.